"I can't stand this!" We say it all the time—but is it true? REBT distinguishes between Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT), which amplifies suffering, and High Frustration Tolerance (HFT), which builds resilience.
What Is Frustration Tolerance?
Frustration tolerance refers to your capacity to endure discomfort without falling apart. Low frustration tolerance involves believing you literally cannot cope with difficulty—that it's unbearable, intolerable, too much to handle.
The truth? You've already survived every difficult thing you've faced. You can stand more than you think.
Signs of Low Frustration Tolerance
- Telling yourself "I can't stand it" or "It's unbearable"
- Avoiding anything uncomfortable
- Giving up when things get hard
- Demanding that life be easy and fair
- Catastrophizing discomfort
Building High Frustration Tolerance
"I can't stand this uncertainty."
→ "I don't like uncertainty, but I can tolerate it while I take next steps."
"This is unbearable."
→ "This is very hard, but I'm bearing it right now."
"I can't cope with this feeling."
→ "This feeling is uncomfortable. I've felt difficult things before and survived."
HFT and Healing
Healing involves discomfort. You have to face painful memories, sit with difficult emotions, and tolerate uncertainty about the future. HFT doesn't make this easy—it makes it possible. It's the difference between "I can't do this" and "This is hard, and I can do it anyway."